Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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