his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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