I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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