All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
