Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
