I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
