Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
