i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
