She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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