eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
