like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
