I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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