the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
