I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
