I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
