She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
