HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
