Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
