I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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