are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
