just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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