so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
