I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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