she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
