You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
