my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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