Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shame is for Republicans.
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