Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
