He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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