"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
