one two three fourrrrnication!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
