You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
