The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize