then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
