So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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