He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
