Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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