didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize