i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
