I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I want to be your penis for a week.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
