i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
