next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We are all done wearing pants today
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize