I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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