cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
