Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
babies were throwing up all over the place
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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