Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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