it was like his penis was on wheels.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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