She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
