i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
