We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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