I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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