So drunk its hurt
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
