lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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