was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
