this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
