Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
