i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
