i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
