just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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