I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
