i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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