someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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