Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
