please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.