I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.