remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
