I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst