Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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