Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.