the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out