He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.