Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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(202): i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society http://tfl.nu/5vfp

Replies (55) Good night (916) Bad night (3979)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy

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(608): the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy <3's balls" is written in sharpie across my forehead http://tfl.nu/cffy

Replies (24) Good night (1575) Bad night (4607)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

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(815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw

Replies (22) Good night (8030) Bad night (1620)
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(714): View more from California

You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

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(714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2

Replies (13) Good night (4680) Bad night (1237)
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(214): View more from Texas

Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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(214): Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us http://tfl.nu/gb64

Replies (13) Good night (1418) Bad night (2868)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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(+44): cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked. http://tfl.nu/v3oz

Replies (3) Good night (2344) Bad night (492)
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(607): View more from New York

She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.

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(607): She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine. http://tfl.nu/vfal

Replies (5) Good night (1723) Bad night (522)
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(807): View more from Ontario

your like the ambassador to my penis.

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(807): your like the ambassador to my penis. http://tfl.nu/t18m

Replies (8) Good night (1459) Bad night (683)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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(870): If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you. (1-870): You always know what to say to make me feel better. http://tfl.nu/or61

Replies (2) Good night (1721) Bad night (546)
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(419): View more from Ohio

You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...

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(419): You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter... http://tfl.nu/2dxo

Replies (10) Good night (1558) Bad night (720)
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(310): View more from California

This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat

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(310): This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat http://tfl.nu/hcj2

Replies (1) Good night (810) Bad night (544)
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(757): View more from Virginia

You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.

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(757): You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else. http://tfl.nu/0zf9

Replies (20) Good night (1075) Bad night (441)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?

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(808): Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space? http://tfl.nu/h1sf

Replies (12) Good night (1259) Bad night (659)
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(626): View more from California

Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?

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(626): Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child? http://tfl.nu/0p9q

Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (243)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...

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(717): Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls... http://tfl.nu/qcx4

Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (269)

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