My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.