Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.