U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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