I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
