Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
