the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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