When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
