I accidentally had phone sex last night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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