Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
