I wannas sexs uuuuu
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
